Here, on the release day of The Shearing Gun, instead of blogging about my newest release, I find compelled to blog about hopes and dreams for our children.
This morning, while clicking through links, I happened to stumble on a video tell me that “This lady kept a huge secret which she only revealed after the birth of her child.”
I was intrigued (good advertising people!), and clicked and watched. The clip told me that the woman had just given birth to her fourth child. She had three sons, and there were three other grandsons in her family. She’d told everyone that she was having a boy, and then filmed their reactions at the hospital as it was revealed it was a girl. The first girl born.
Her family were ecstatic. There were happy tears flowing, shrieks of joy and overwhelming happiness on the gender of this child.
It was disappointing to me.
You see, because I’ve been through it. I’ve lived it. And what does it matter if your baby is a boy or a girl? Shouldn’t you love the child no matter? Be ecstatic no matter?
My father hoped that I was a boy. I was the last child, and he was hoping for another son. I’m sure he was disappointed that I wasn’t, but I feel he adapted well and I never felt l'd let him down.
But the greatest regret in my life was the hours after my firstborn’s birth. My firstborn was the 19th grandchild born in my family. Before the birth, the count overwhelmingly favoured the boys. Only five girls and a whopping 13 boys! My mother was desperately hoping for another girl to even the odds.
This morning, while clicking through links, I happened to stumble on a video tell me that “This lady kept a huge secret which she only revealed after the birth of her child.”
I was intrigued (good advertising people!), and clicked and watched. The clip told me that the woman had just given birth to her fourth child. She had three sons, and there were three other grandsons in her family. She’d told everyone that she was having a boy, and then filmed their reactions at the hospital as it was revealed it was a girl. The first girl born.
Her family were ecstatic. There were happy tears flowing, shrieks of joy and overwhelming happiness on the gender of this child.
It was disappointing to me.
You see, because I’ve been through it. I’ve lived it. And what does it matter if your baby is a boy or a girl? Shouldn’t you love the child no matter? Be ecstatic no matter?
My father hoped that I was a boy. I was the last child, and he was hoping for another son. I’m sure he was disappointed that I wasn’t, but I feel he adapted well and I never felt l'd let him down.
But the greatest regret in my life was the hours after my firstborn’s birth. My firstborn was the 19th grandchild born in my family. Before the birth, the count overwhelmingly favoured the boys. Only five girls and a whopping 13 boys! My mother was desperately hoping for another girl to even the odds.
I don’t find out the gender of my children before they’re born. I like it to be a big surprise during the birth. I’m happy either way. But I knew my mother wanted desperately for it to be a girl. 90 minutes after he was born, we were ready for that first phone call. My family were amassed, waiting on the other end of that line. I knew it. I gathered my courage and dialled. My mother answered, and I said, “It’s me.”
Then I had to swallow my emotions. I was overwhelmed with pride and happiness. I had a baby. I had a boy! I wanted to shout it to the world. But at the same time I felt I had “failed.” It wasn’t the girl my mother wanted. The first words that wanted to come out of my mouth at that time were “I’m sorry.” But with determination I pushed them back. Because I wasn’t sorry. I was proud!
I choked out. “You have another little grandson.”
My mother burst into tears. I know they were tears of happiness, because this had been a long stressful pregnancy for her, where she had been away and unable to support me. She was glad that I was okay and that the baby was okay. She had been worried, I know that.
But I also know in the tears, there was disappointment.
Five months later, my sister managed to do what I couldn’t – she gave birth to a girl amidst great fanfare and cheering. I looked at my son and vowed to love him no matter what.
As a mother, I know about hopes and dreams we have for our children. I have a friend with a son who has Down Syndrome. While I was championing my child and proudly declaring that he could recited the alphabet song, she was clapping with joy that her son finally walked two steps by himself. That really brings it home as to what we need to say to our kids.
I strongly believe that we shouldn’t feel or say, “I’m so glad you were a girl after three boys.” Be proud to have a child. Because if you pin your hopes and dreams on this one child, then you are bound to be disappointed. Because they are not you. They have their own life to lead.
Then I had to swallow my emotions. I was overwhelmed with pride and happiness. I had a baby. I had a boy! I wanted to shout it to the world. But at the same time I felt I had “failed.” It wasn’t the girl my mother wanted. The first words that wanted to come out of my mouth at that time were “I’m sorry.” But with determination I pushed them back. Because I wasn’t sorry. I was proud!
I choked out. “You have another little grandson.”
My mother burst into tears. I know they were tears of happiness, because this had been a long stressful pregnancy for her, where she had been away and unable to support me. She was glad that I was okay and that the baby was okay. She had been worried, I know that.
But I also know in the tears, there was disappointment.
Five months later, my sister managed to do what I couldn’t – she gave birth to a girl amidst great fanfare and cheering. I looked at my son and vowed to love him no matter what.
As a mother, I know about hopes and dreams we have for our children. I have a friend with a son who has Down Syndrome. While I was championing my child and proudly declaring that he could recited the alphabet song, she was clapping with joy that her son finally walked two steps by himself. That really brings it home as to what we need to say to our kids.
I strongly believe that we shouldn’t feel or say, “I’m so glad you were a girl after three boys.” Be proud to have a child. Because if you pin your hopes and dreams on this one child, then you are bound to be disappointed. Because they are not you. They have their own life to lead.
In the same manner, I don’t agree when I hear parents say “I hope my kid’s not gay.”
Really? I hadn’t given it much thought. I hope my children grow up happy, find someone to love who makes their hearts burst with joy, and never know heartbreak. I don’t care if it is gay or straight love. I will admit I wish that whatever path they chose, it will be an easy path. I don’t wish my child to be bullied, ostracised, marginalised or be on the end of any sort of sexist comments.
I guess when it comes down to it, what I hope for my children doesn’t have solid form. It is an ideal – happiness, friends, satisfaction and the ability to care for others. One of my favourite songs is a little known song called Prayers for You, written by Craig Bickhardt. (http://www.craigbickhardt.com/). This is the version of the song I know, sung by Karen O’Shea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuxwcYRPgfk.
Really? I hadn’t given it much thought. I hope my children grow up happy, find someone to love who makes their hearts burst with joy, and never know heartbreak. I don’t care if it is gay or straight love. I will admit I wish that whatever path they chose, it will be an easy path. I don’t wish my child to be bullied, ostracised, marginalised or be on the end of any sort of sexist comments.
I guess when it comes down to it, what I hope for my children doesn’t have solid form. It is an ideal – happiness, friends, satisfaction and the ability to care for others. One of my favourite songs is a little known song called Prayers for You, written by Craig Bickhardt. (http://www.craigbickhardt.com/). This is the version of the song I know, sung by Karen O’Shea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuxwcYRPgfk.
| These are my prayers These are the things I wish for you May you be strong And happy whatever you do May your heart travel light On a long journey’s night May a circle of friends keep you warm May your mind be at ease When you’re down on your knees When your ship needs a port in the storm May you find answers to Each of my prayers for you These things I ask These are the gifts I cannot give May love keep you Young for as long as you live May your dreams find a place In the garden of grace May they grow where you’ve planted the seed May your faith be a flame That won’t die in the rain May you never want more than you need May you find answers to Each of my prayers for you May your heart travel light On a long journey’s night May a circle of friends keep you warm May your mind be at ease When you’re down on your knees When your ship needs a port in the storm May you find answers to Each of my prayers for you These are my prayers These are the things I wish for you |
| This song sums up my hopes for my children. Notice there is no mention of gender, sexuality, jobs, looks, marriage, children, possessions, money, education or achievements. I guess what I want to say is this: don’t love your children for what they are, just love them. You wanted a girl and you got a boy? Perhaps you should reflect on yourself a bit more. Consider how your wishes make others feel. I feel sorry for the six other grandsons mentioned in the video in my opening paragraph. Will they feel they are not enough? How will this girl feel? Will she feel the weight of expectation on her to be girly and like pink? What if she wants to like “boy things”? Don’t feel bad if your child says they are gay. Be happy that they have found that in themselves and that they are following the path they want to live. Tell them that you love them. | 
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