My card came back filled with the following descriptions: bubbly, hilarious, cheerful, always ready for a laugh, full of life, fun, honest, great smile.
Yes – it’s very true that I’m usually very optimistic about life. When I’m nervous I take refuge in humour and jokes, and I don’t think the word “shy” has ever been used to describe me. I’m upbeat and always try to see the bright side of the equation. I love a good laugh and play the fool to get it.
It’s no shock to me then, that this wackiness comes through to my writing. I want people to laugh. I want people to smile. I want people to feel good about themselves and the life around them.
My life hasn’t been a bed of roses, but I like to poke fun of the bad times, and turn them into good.
So as this post goes live, I’m recalling five year old memories. As I do at each birthday my children have, I remember their birth and all the feelings I had at that time. I will look at the clock at 7am the morning of their birthday, and think about what I was doing x amount of years ago.
Instead I was handed a 4.2kg baby girl. I was shocked! I’d expected a boy and really couldn’t process the fact she didn’t have a penis. Also – 4.2kg???? What the hell? That’s 9lb 4oz in the old school measure. How the hell had I grown something that big and pushed it out?
Her birth was a comedy of errors. I swear that if it was made into a movie, no one would believe it. I always tell the story in a humorous way – skipping over the “nearly died” bits and laughing at the others. Here: I’ll set the scene. A small suburban maternity hospital. Theatre room number one. You could say that I was the star of the show, since I was the one in the middle of the room with all the lights trained on me. The obstetrician had just started his shift and was called to take care of business. Starting immediately after the birth of previously mentioned 4.2kg baby girl, I will describe what I saw:
- Flashing red lights, furiously calling for the paediatrician
- Two midwives working on my baby, while ignoring my calls about the gender of my newborn
- One obstetrician looking intense, while working at my lower end
- One junior obstetrician looking very stressed while pushing on my stomach
- More flashing lights, calling for nurses
- One father-of-the-child in a faint on the floor
- One paediatrician (nearly hitting hubby's head) rushing in the door to the baby
- Nurses streaming through the doors to help (hubby in the way)
- One father-of-the-child being taken away in a wheelchair
- More nurses, a quick head count, 15 people in the room
- One midwife-in-training looking very pale while rethinking her future of midwifery
Poor Jessica. I was the first birth she ever witnessed and it was a doozy!
I tell this story, not to freak people out, but to remind them to laugh. I could’ve dwelled on the bad stuff and been angry at the medical staff, but what would I achieve? Nothing but depression and anger. So I laugh at the funny bits.
I tell people that the birth of my first child was a planned caesarean, as he was feet first and couldn’t be born that way. He was 3.5kgs, whereas my natural birth child was 4.2kgs. Whoops!
I tell people that after my caesarean I was hooked up to three machines. After my “natural” birth I was hooked up to seven. Whoops!
I tell people I was in labour for so long, I forgot that it was Father’s Day and I never gave hubby his presents. Whoops!
But most importantly I LAUGH.
I tell people that my husband didn’t witness the birth of either of our children – he was too busy fainting both times.
I tell people that I had a trainee midwife following my pregnancy. At the birth she had the most important job – the camera.
I leave the depression for someone else.
So if you pick up one of books, please smile as you are reading. You are not supposed to take the story seriously. It is a sweet tale written to make you feel good, and cheer you up if you need it. So I hope you enjoy my books and go away in a peaceful and happy frame of mind.
Don’t forget that Hank and Elliot’s story comes out in 13 days.
Pre-order from Dreamspinner.